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Mike’s ‘Merica

6 Jul

When several people send you the same link with the words ‘For Mike’ as the subject line, you’ve got to wonder.  So it was with little shock that the link was to an article about one of the most monumental inventions since Burger King’s Bacon Sundae: the all-new ‘Merica Burger!

Mike’s first course followed up by a coronary bypass.

What is Slater’s 50/50 ‘Merica Burger?  Well, it’s 100% ground bacon, plus thick-cut bacon, bacon island dressing, bacon cheddar cheese, and a fried egg for safe measure.  

Happy Birthday, Mike Rey… and AMERICA.



3 Jul

Thank goodness Mike’s eating meat now

Happy Birthday, Ron Swanson!

26 Jun

Mike Rey’s favorite guy is having a birthday.  Everyone can celebrate.  Unless you only eat vegetables, in which case you might feel awkward.

Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman’s) Birthday Cake!

Meat Tooth

21 Jun

Mike Rey has a new nickname.  After a recent excursion, Mr. Rey discovered that some random JetBlue employees had gotten wind of the challenge. “We know who you are,”  they confided.  “Meat Tooth.”

Yes, MEAT TOOTH.  Why Meat Tooth?  Let me ‘splain.

A long time ago (three weeks), at the Le Moyne College Reunion, Mike expressed concern over not eating meat.  Biting into his second helping of home fries, he went on to grieve the lack of use of his canines.


Pretty Meat Teeth

According to Mike,

“A meat tooth is proof from God (or Darwin) that man was meant to enjoy delicious meats because those two pointy teeth in your mouth allow you to tear through delicious meat. Ergo, no one was meant to be a vegetarian.”

Hence, the legend of Meat Tooth was born.

Chiseling one’s meat tooth is vital to the survival of the species.  While ‘porterhouses’ and ‘beef jerky’ are ideal for keeping the teeth in tip-top shape, Mike has been working diligently to avoid atrophying.

“Mike said his meat teeth will likely become long and fang-like due to lack of use.  He will need to file them down.”  -Jillian Kilian

To avoid such an outcome, Mike is monitoring his pearly whites on a daily basis.

 “I keep them finely tuned. Practice makes perfect. If you don’t use them you lose them. All that jazz.”


20 Jun

At this point, anything can happen.  Mike can totally blow it in the last few days with his carelessness, or so we hope.  So now we’re just going to get mean. Real mean.

Exhibit A:

Bacon Flowchart. Provided by Jim Johnson

May The Odds Be Ever In Your Favor

18 Jun

I’m pulling rank.  It would seem this challenge has been all too easy for Mike Rey.  Only 28 challenge days, four of which are cheat days.  Simply not hard enough.

Hence, we are instituting the 1st Annual Meat and Cheese Challenge Hunger Games!  I’m Gamemaker, biotch.

Mike Rey and Peeta. Where’s your bread now?

Starting today, Mike will need to include a fruit or vegetable into every meatless meal he eats. Three bananas today?  Some carrots with that hummus? No sweat!  It’s that easy to stay alive in this challenge. Less than 5 days to go.  Happy Hunger Games!

(M)eat Your Heart Out

18 Jun

FINALLY.  Mike cashed in his golden meat coupons this past weekend and indulged in the finest pork and cheddar products that Lake Placid had to offer.

Saturday morning felt something like this:


While we could go on and on about the experience, we feel it is best told through the art of photography.  Enjoy!

First bite of bacon. Tremendous.

Chicken wings. Mike’s favorite food ‘group’.

Meat on bone.

Num nums

Cheese Doodle teeth.

McDonald’s breakfast.